lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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