Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
