I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
