pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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