omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
