So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
