eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
