You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
