Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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