Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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