new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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