I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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