its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
no, he came in my armpit
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
