I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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