I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
