when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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