apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
