My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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