she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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