I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
