he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
