Im at strip club and am horny
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
