first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Couch. On fire.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
