i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
