so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
