Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
