I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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