hell yes lets make some ravioli
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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