party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
