One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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