Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
