Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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