well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
