I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
