I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
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My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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