Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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