Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
