omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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