I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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