Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
