Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
