Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize