found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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