we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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