i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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