God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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