Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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