You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
