I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
