We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
