Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
