this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
