I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
