Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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