Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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