oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
