Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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