..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
