I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
