Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
how does that bad decision feel?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
