I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize