I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
