the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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