I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
